I am sitting at the airport lounge waiting for boarding to begin. Dropped off Y. to his dad for his winter break and now heading back to my home in Chicago. This is my first travel alone without anyone next to me. Not even my 5 yr old pandora’s box of “whys”. I miss him so much. It has been almost two years now to his daddy and mommy home turns, but every single time my heart hurts to let him go. He has adjusted better, not that he had any choice to accepting his new life.
His dad married first and now his mommy got a new person in his life. I cannot even imagine what and how many emotional battles children go through when they see their parents divorce and all the new changes of life that come along later. I wish I could once hear the words behind his blank stare for those few seconds every single time when I tell him about a new change in his life.
But just like adults survive our children do too. Just like some adults bloom in adversity, our kids do too. Allah gave us humans the strength to be patient, and gave us a heart that can heal itself. My baby was 3 when separation happened. I remember that day when I had told him. He could not even talk well. I do not know if he understood either. But my heart was crushed and my soul was damaged at that time. And I remember I held his tiny hands and I had said to him “Baba left mommy and home is gone” and I clearly remember his response because I was taken aback. He actually wiped my tears and said “Y. love mommy”. I cried hugging him tight. That was all Y. did to strengthen me.
People say divorce is harder when children are involved. Yes it is, but had it not been for my Y. I would have never been strong. He reminds me that I need to be strong and brave for him.
Just like his mom survives so does he and inshallah we always will because Allah has never abandoned us. We were and will never be alone.
Time to board on the airplane, after all the guardian angel that my Allah has blessed me with in the form of my husband and Y.’s step father awaits me.
Returning to the man who has finally started to make my world colorful again.